Re-Introduction

After much thought about what I wanted to do with my writing, I’ve returned. I was having a hiatus every few weeks because I had become unsure with what community I was diving into. I wanted to be in the fashion community, but the more I saw, the more I found myself hesitant to go deeper.
I have been writing on this blog for about two years, but recently early this year, I noticed my heart wasn’t in my writing anymore. I want to attempt to salvage this because my blog is my life. I wasn’t meant to write only about clothes, sales, and where to buy things. I do love reading those types of blogs because I want to know for myself, but I honestly don’t have a talent in shopping for good deals, or even pairing different pieces of clothing together! And I’m tired of pretending like I am. I don’t want to be mediocre in my writing; I want to write from my heart, because that’s how I can touch others.

 

In this industry, most of us go with trends. I also went with trends, at least in clothing and beauty. But I want to come out and speak about the truth finally. Not only in fashion and beauty, but also in the ever growing feminist undertone that seems to be creeping into the fashion and beauty industry. The social issues that impact the blogsphere are important because blogs and social media are some of the main drivers of opinion in today’s media. Most of the things I own I bought after discovering them from a blogger/vlogger or social media. And until recently, I also swallowed all of the lies fed to me about culture from the prominent figures in the blogsphere and social media. I want to turn away from the trends and find true and simple beauty in life.
I am still a dreamer. I still spend most of my time thinking about life. But I have changed my mind on a lot of things I thought I understood. I have been “red-pilled,” as they call it. I want to continue with my fashion and beauty posts, but also write a token story or topic linked to each one. Many people have told me to do beauty tutorials, but I rarely change my make up, even in photoshoots. The only thing I really change sometimes is the lipstick, because I was absolutely obsessed with finding the perfect lipsticks, but even now, I have found my go-to colors and I don’t think I’ll be buying new ones anytime soon. And I have tried so hard to write about only fashion, but I am just not excited enough to write something meaningful. I want to find purpose again in my writing. Because without it, how can anyone find value in the writing?
I want to dive deeper into some topics that I already write about, like beauty, fashion, self confidence, and healthy lifestyle practices. But I also want to explore new topics that interconnect with these, such as what feminism has become, how to reform the body positivity movement, race tensions and how it relates to the fashion/beauty industry, and how politics and culture are shaping our world today. As current events shape our culture, I want to give my take on what is happening, how we can preserve the parts that are slipping away, and how to adapt to the future.
While we live in a world full of deceit, it seems that we are always searching for genuine people. Hopefully you’ll follow me on my journey to becoming a better writer as well as a better person.

XO Nicoco

Follow me on Twitter @PetiteNicoco

Wake Up

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As anyone who knows me would understand, it was hard when I moved to Dallas, Texas from my hometown in Pennsylvania. And I remember it was one of EDEN’s songs that got me through that transition.

EDEN, formerly known as The Eden Project, is an Electronic-Indy artist from Ireland. I’ve been following him since he started music. A lot of people assume that people who like EDM are trance lovers and people who go to raves, but for me and my sister, we are the type of like to listen to EDM, or any music for that matter, in solitude. The feelings of the music are what we are connected to. And my younger sister is the one who introduced me to EDEN.

It was always a little harder growing up 8 years apart for me and my sister. It was hard to find common ground because we were always going through completely different stages of life. For that reason, I think both of us were closer to our brother, who was the middle child. But the last years that I was in PA, we became very close. It was a bittersweet relationship: two sisters who grew up in the same home but at different times. She saw me go through all of my older trials and hardships, I saw her go through things I’ve already experienced. And it was only the last few years that I was in PA that we were able to finally talk, find out that we are actually more similar than we thought, and connect.

We used to go on many adventures even though our town was small. And EDM was the background music to our lives. EDEN definitely brought us together a lot, through different struggles at the same time, but being able to sing his lyrics together always made us feel like maybe even though we were going through various things, we weren’t so different, so isolated, as we had thought. We had each other.

One of the most difficult things about moving to Texas was leaving her behind. It was something I needed to do because I was not growing as a person in PA. I needed to come out of my comfort zone, so I took the plunge and took a job here in Dallas. It was a smart decision for my career and my personal development.

But it tore my heart apart because I think it hindered my relationship with my sister, or at least distanced us to what we were before. We no longer talk everyday, or go on adventures. I don’t know what she’s doing right now, but I know we are living separate lives.

I remember one of the last nights I was there. We were strolling down the streets of Carlisle at night, as we sometimes did on the spur of the moment, and we were taking turns singing EDEN’s new song, “Wake Up.” We both interpreted it as EDEN needing to leave to make his career his priority and him leaving his hometown to follow his dream. And even though I am not by any means doing the same thing, it really hit me. I hope it hit her heart in the same way. It made me realize how painful it was to grow sometimes. It would be a long time until the next time we might be walking and singing together. It would be a while until we would meet and act like nothing had ever changed.

Who would I be when we met again? How much will she have changed until the next time I would see her? Would we still have that connection? Or would we be like strangers, not knowing anything about each other’s lives?

Even though I’ve written so many times about how I was stuck in PA and happy that I moved here, it was something that hit my heart very heavy. EDEN’s music holds that connection still between us, I know it. I know it because every time I listen to “Wake Up,” I still to this day, almost a year later, burst into tears, because all of it comes flooding back. The times we took random road trips when I was heartbroken. The times we had sleepovers when I was an adult and we talked late into the night. The places we went, the pictures we took (she is a very good photographer), the fun we had, even through all of our individual troubles. And it reminds me of the last night before I left.

I was staying at my parents’ house because we had cleaned out the apartment. She was lying on the floor next to me, we were talking about how weird it was that it wasn’t going to be this way anymore. It was unreal, and I’ll never forget that moment.

If you’re reading this, Abby, I really hope we can go to the EDEN concert together. Then we could sing “Wake Up” together again.

But I Will Never Be That Girl

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OOTD: Dress + Cardigan – Forever21 | Bag – Calvin Klein | Shoes -Coach

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I’ll never be the girl who I’m envious of because I don’t see myself from afar. I won’t be the girl who has it all together and chills at cafes. I know surely I am not the girl who knows how to unlock her motivations to be better everyday. I’m not sure I’ll even be the girl who always has blended make up, elegant movements, and a bag that she’s happy with wearing for more than a week.

I wonder if that girl even exists? Will you find her strolling through these university halls, smiling to herself? Will you see her at the beach, wearing a Triangl brand bikini, with her flowing scarf trailing behind her in the ocean breeze? Maybe she’s in a high rise building, sipping on her morning coffee in downtown Addison.

I think it’s a bit of both. Maybe I’m not that girl, but I’m just traces of her when I feel confident. Maybe the moments that I see others are captured in the right fleeting moments when their confidence is brimming and they understand that no matter what, they have to love themselves, because if they won’t who will be able to see what they can do for this world?

It’s never all the time. I will never be that girl. But maybe sometimes, she will be me, and through all of my clumsiness, all of my faults, all of my mundane routines, and through all of my hardships, she will spark at certain moments. And maybe others will see her through me, even when I can’t.

 

Nicoco

Alone in the Digital Crowd

  
It’s second nature to me, and to everyone nowadays, especially my generation and below. We are glued to phones, tablets and computers. It’s a normal thing in today’s world, and even though I’ll most definitely continue to stare at my iPhone screen for hours each day, it scares me. 

It’s an ongoing debate on whether this is a good or bad thing, and honestly it’s just a double edged sword, and it depends on the situation. But sometimes, for me, it feels so alone. 

We distance ourselves from people. Even though we are able to communicate with literally anyone in the world in just a minute, we hide behind our screens, encourage the distance, and for those prone to anxiety, it seems like the perfect way out. 

So why the does it feel so lonely some days? It’s caused us to devalue the present moment. We worry about things that are happening other places, have already happened, or rumors of things to happen. We disconnect from the people around us, scared to know if they will accept us, and plug into the digital world, knowing that we can hide in the vast information, opinions and entertainment. We can distract ourselves from hating the moment we live in by transporting our minds to somewhere we can feel safe. But what does that say about our society if that’s what it’s come to now?

Even as I sit here, writing this on my phone, I wonder what I am missing by having this conversation with a real live person, even the person sitting in the other room of this house. 

I wonder if we isolate ourselves because we want to or just because it’s easier. When did it become common curtesy to text someone when you come to their house instead or knocking on the door? When did it become a horrifying ordeal to forget your phone at home, lose LTE connection or go to a cafe with no wifi?

Yet I know we all will continue to stay connected. Because we’re addicted to information. Including myself. We’ve become a society that has access to everything and we can’t let go. 

But I’ll always wonder what only would be like to be just myself, with no media, nothing to hide behind, nothing technological to invest my time. I bet I’d be able to solve more problems by paying full attention and finding myself fully aware of the present moment.

Sonder: Watching Life

Have you ever stopped to think about the strangers that pass you by everyday? Thinking about how complex their lives might be, how much you may or may not relate to each one of them, but will never know. You will never know because it is only a fleeting moment in time that you come in contact with these people. This feeling is called “sonder.”

 
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Sonder makes you wonder how they carry on in their daily lives. The man passing by you on your way into the coffee shop could be preparing for the most important day of his life. The woman you share an elevator with may be going through a crazy love affair. The child you smile at when you are eating lunch might be thinking of how to run away from home. The possibilities are endless. The stories are endless.

 

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In a way, sonder is exciting, because it means that the lives we live are full of meaning and purpose. There are so many possibilities, so many changes, and so many opportunities to discover a new story. An intricate story for each, starting with their childhood and carrying on right up to the very moment you come in contact… then suddenly, never to be seen again.

 
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But sonder also intimidating, because it reminds you that while they were a small role in your story of life, you were also just a speck in their sea of memories and experiences. Sonder puts you in perspective of the population as a whole – a tangled, but beautiful web of stories, intricately intertwining with each other’s stories, no matter how little or how much we tend to cross each other’s paths.

 

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It’s crazy how quickly relationships can change. There’s a “short sad story” that reads: “Strangers. Friends. Best friends. Lovers. Strangers.” That can happen with anyone, and it’s just hard to understand how quickly people can walk in and out of your life.

 
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Lastly, sonder reminds you that you can relate to others. If you can empathize and understand, even if just for a moment, that other people have the same worries, joys, fears, and passion for things in their lives as you do in yours, you’re on your way to peace.

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n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk. (the dictionary of obscure sorrows)

sondersonder

Nicoco

My Generation

We are spoiled, whiney, and lazy, this is true. But we also are on the edge of the age of communication, the collapse of society, and we are, after all, still human. 

They told him she could be whatever and whoever she wanted to be. She was just a child, and she had a pure heart. So she believed the lies and put all of her energy into what she loved. After years of hard studying, heart-heavy loans, and a polluted mind, she was left to work off her enormous debt by having a job that was not in her field of study as well as a part time retail job. 

The world will never except you as you are. This girl could be any of us in my generation today. And not only are we working in industries we don’t care for, we are also over worked, tired, and fed up with mediocracy. And being a millennial myself, I don’t see what’s wrong with wanting more to life than that. 

We are given the world’s knowledge at the tip of of fingers, so shouldn’t it be easier to be smarter, get around things and figure out our lives? 

But when did we start feeding our antisocial tendencies, failing to concentrate on one thing when it’s important, and live two lives?

I admit it; I do this too. I lie in bed every night with my husband, our backs faced towards each other, the glowing screens lighting up the darkness of the night. I am living through others while I’m sitting at the table instead of fully concentrating on the blessing called food that has been provided to me. And while it’s inevitable and sometimes a great thing to have this technology …. It’s lonely. 

We are messed up. We are living in a world where everything moves fast and in order to keep up, we have to be bold and obnoxious. We need instant gratification, and that’s a double edged sword. 

I don’t think we are doomed. I think we have a certain power to our generation, and it’s up to the individual to use it for something good. 

I just hope with all my heart that we realize that we were never meant to belong to this Earthly way. 

We were meant for so much more. And nobody can stop us. 

Ponders

  
How does it feel to wander from the prison to the ends of the Earth? Where the sky engulfs the atmosphere and the sun burns through your vision. It’s intense, and you feel so small. The wind that blows through the flat land makes you realize that this world is so large… so many places to escape to, so many secrets to find, stories to make. It’s amazing to think that this life has the potential to hold some of the most precious moments that you would never have been able to imagine.

Just these small moments, wandering through the fields out in the endless blue skies can make your senses heightened, pulsing through your veins.

Here’s to Being Lost

  
I always wonder why I still feel like a child but when I think about it, I’m actually successful in adulting compared to a few years ago. When I first moved out of my parents house, I didn’t know how to cook, I had limited experience with grocery shopping, cleaning and paying bills. Nowadays I’m a pretty good cook and I can do all of these things, even if I complain about them. 

I think a lot of us twenty-somethings and maybe even older don’t give ourselves enough credit. We’re earning money. We’re paying off debts, we are learning how to shop, cook and eat well. And we’re restless about finding our careers. Sure sometimes we splurge on unnecessary luxuries, but we have it together. 

We beat ourselves up because we’re not sure that what we are doing is right. But isn’t that the beautiful part? The mess we weed through can bring the best highs and lows. And we’re never going to find ourselves unless we take that journey. 

My Generation

I think I like to make myself busy to escape the actually things that I have to do. Because of that, I have made it almost impossible to get things done today. And unfortunately, I’ll have to post something that I was drafting. But I think it’s time to get these things done.

———-

We are spoiled, whiney, and lazy, this is true. But we also are on the edge of the age of communication, the collapse of society, and we are, after all, still human.

They told him she could be whatever and whoever she wanted to be. She was just a child, and she had a pure heart. So she believed the lies and put all of her energy into what she loved. After years of hard studying, heart-heavy loans, and a polluted mind, she was left to work off her enormous debt by having a job that was not in her field of study as well as a part time retail job.

The world will never except you as you are. This girl could be any of us in my generation today. And not only are we working in industries we don’t care for, we are also over worked, tired, and fed up with mediocracy. And being a millennial myself, I don’t see what’s wrong with wanting more to life than that.

We are given the world’s knowledge at the tip of of fingers, so shouldn’t it be easier to be smarter, get around things and figure out our lives?

But then again, when did we start feeding our antisocial tendencies, failing to concentrate on one thing when it’s important, and live two lives?

I admit it; I do this too. I lie in bed every night with my husband, our backs faced towards each other, the glowing screens lighting up the darkness of the night. I am living through others while I’m sitting at the table instead of fully concentrating on the blessing called food that has been provided to me. And while it’s inevitable and sometimes a great thing to have this technology …. It’s lonely.

We are messed up. We are living in a world where everything moves fast and in order to keep up, we have to be bold and obnoxious. We need instant gratification, and that’s a double edged sword.

But I don’t think we are doomed. I think we have a certain power to our generation, and it’s up to the individual to use it for something good.

I just hope with all my heart that we realize that we were never meant to belong to this Earthly way.

We were meant for so much more. And nobody can stop us.

~Nicoco

Moving On

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OOTD: Dress – Forever21 | Sunnies – Burlington Coat Factory | Bag – Thrifted | Shoes – White Mt.

I’ve spent more than ten years of my life here. I never talk about where I’m from because I’m embarrassed to say that I live in Central Pennsylvania. There, I said it. I live in Harrisburg, PA.

The weather is absolutely terrible here. It’s humid and hot in the summer, deathly cold in the winter, spring doesn’t really exist, and the sky is this grey-white most days, no matter what season it is. The sky has to be the most depressing part of living here, hands down.

But there are moments when the sky lights up from the sunset and I remember there were good moments with nice weather.

Most of the people here aren’t friendly to strangers. They’re the typical North Eastern stuck up types who keep to themselves. Rarely on the streets do people smile and say hello to each other. They drive like a combination of stuck up Maryland drivers and overly confident New Jersey drivers.

But there are so many people here that I really cherish, too.

All in all, this has been my home for so long, and I will miss it. No matter how many times I’ve complained about the weather or the people, this is my hometown just as much as Colorado Springs was. I lived my most crucial developmental times in my life in Colorado as a child, but I lived here in Central PA for my teenage and early adult years, and that is a huge part in development as well.

Of course, the most difficult part will be to be far away from my parents and younger sister. I’m just used to seeing them every week, sometimes more. It’s going to be lonely knowing I can’t just plop myself on their couch at any time that I feel like seeing them.

Unlike most kids, I was really close to my parents during my teen years. Most teens will hide and bottle up things, but I used to tell them everything about my life in school. I asked for advice, I learned from them, and I depended on them. I was very innocent and I loved that I was so close to my family. I trust them. It’s going to be hard to leave.

My sister and I are eight years apart. Most people might think that it is impossible to have a close sister bond with that large of an age gap. But within the last few years, we’ve really gotten closer than we ever were as kids. She’s a teenager now, and I think we can relate to each other better. She’s also my photographer, and to be honest, I don’t know what I’m going to do now. The photo shoots are for this blog because I want to show others my fashion, but the best parts of doing the shoots are the adventures we have on the way. We find new places, eat new foods, and have the most memorable experiences. I’m really going to miss that. I know things will change, but I hope the bond doesn’t.

I’ve made and lost many friends here too. Lost meaning faded friendship. But there are a few that are very important to me and I will be really sad to create such a distance. Liz Anthony and Andrea Tran I will mention specifically. And there are also so many more people who I cherish. Co-workers, past co-workers, college and high school friends. I’m really going to miss your company and I am expecting y’all to visit me when I move!

My family that lives in the area I will also greatly miss. The main reason my parents moved back in this area was to be close to family. I do really appreciate being able to see both sets of grandparents and Aunts and Uncles quite often. It’s something I cherish.

Technology will make sure that I do not lose contact or lose friendship with everyone. But being face to face will never beat anything. It’s something that I will terribly miss.

It really is true that attachment is the greatest pain. But I do not regret it one bit.

I’ve been planning to move West for years, but now that it’s actually happening, I am scared. I’m scared of the new place, I’m scared of leaving people, I’m scared of who I will become. I’m scared to move on.

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